Today I am a bidnessman… now if I can just keep the blamed gummint off my freedom-loving back

Today, I opened a bank account for bradwarthen.com. I mean, I had to have a place to put those checks my advertisers were giving me, so I opened an account. I figured I couldn’t put it in my personal account, because it needed to stay segregated for when the blamed gummint comes demanding tax money. We small businessmen, we doughty entrepreneurs, look askance at the gummint, you know. Always on our backs, and we don’t hold with that…

So far, business is good. I don’t provide benefits to my employees, of course. In fact, in keeping with a grand South Carolina tradition inherited from our Barbadian forebears (which a certain kind of South Carolinian refers to euphemistically as “our heritage”), I don’t even pay my employees.

In point of fact, I don’t have any employees. I didn’t want them around underfoot, whining about not having benefits or pay; it just got to be too much aggravation, so I laid them all off. I’m waiting to see my stock go up as a result, because that’s what happens when we hard-nosed captains of industry lay people off. And I’m sure it will, as soon as I issue some.

No, sir. Those Robber Barons back in the Gilded Age had nothing on me, when it comes to sheer unapologetic rapaciousness…

5 thoughts on “Today I am a bidnessman… now if I can just keep the blamed gummint off my freedom-loving back

  1. Brad Warthen

    I don’t mind sharing that…

    Of course, you mean post April 20th, since we have the runoffs to get through.

    But partly, it’s the June primaries. Simultaneously, I’ll be lining up ads with some non-political businesses. I have a meeting or two set up already. That’s the long-term.

    I just went ahead and jumped into this when the other parts of my plan weren’t ready, rather than miss the opportunity…

  2. Walter

    Not to change subjects, but holy cow this WIS debate with the Columbia Mayor candidates is almost comical. Now I understand why some of these candidates didn’t get invited to the debate at the USC Law School.

    Sparkle Clark defines the term “idiot”. The woman doesn’t have a sensible answer to anything and I wonder how she thinks she’s qualified for any position within city government. Now I understand why there are problems within the postal system.

    Nammu Muhammad… well, it is April Fools Day.

    Joe Azar just needs to quit, he refuses to believe that people just aren’t going to vote for him.

    Aaron Johnson just doesn’t have a clue and needs someone to find him a razor.

    It’s going to come down to Steve Benjamin, Kirkman Finley and Steve Morrison.

    I’ll close by saying, “Thank God I live in Lexington”.

  3. Kathryn Fenner

    @ Burl– we call that “structured” as in “structured transactions”–or “Cromartied”

Comments are closed.