Not a lot of what I’d call news, but some things we could talk about:
- Moore Faces a 5th Accuser as McConnell Asks Him to Quit — Of course, he’s likely to ignore that the way he tried to dismiss The Washington Post. After all, if I recall correctly, Moore has been running against McConnell and the party. Basically, if somebody says something that makes sense, Moore and his supporters will dismiss it.
- Iran-Iraq Earthquake Kills More Than 400 — OK, this is news. Of the really bad kind.
- N.S.A. Struggles to Recover After Breach of Spying Tools — Oh, but don’t worry. As y’all keep telling me, these leaks and breaches don’t harm the country in any way. Right?
- Trump Picks Alex Azar To Lead Health And Human Services — What I want to know is, why not Joe Azar? Joe’s been interested in public service way longer than this guy, I’m guessing.
- Penn State Student Given 18 Drinks In 82 Minutes Before Hazing Death, Prosecutors Say — Tell me again why fraternities should exist? I keep forgetting.
- Trump hails ‘great relationship’ with Philippines’ Duterte — Just to remind us that fraternity boys aren’t necessarily the biggest idiots in the country, or the most dangerous.
- If you see a naked person in Five Points on Tuesday … — Continuing with that theme… No, it’s not serious news, but it’s local. Why will there be a naked person in Five Points on Tuesday? Well, it has something to do with PETA, so don’t try to make sense of it.