Without compromise, this blog will shut down at midnight

Final blog negotiations will be intense, with innovative methods of persuasion brought into play...

Final blog negotiations will be intense, with innovative methods of persuasion brought into play…

I’m sorry that it’s come to this, but if we can’t come to some agreement in the next few hours, this blog will shut down at midnight.

Of course, it will be up and running again tomorrow, or whenever I feel like it, but the very fact that it will shut down at midnight testifies to our utter failure to come to agreement on key issues. The only consolation we have is that we can blame it on the Democrats. Or the Republicans — either way, I don’t care. Or the Russians. Or Colin Kaepernick. Or that wanker Louis C.K.

Suffice it to say, there is no shortage of scapegoats out there. But there is still no excuse for us not to sit down and try to hammer out an agreement.

It will take compromise, on all our parts. Here are some examples of the kind of concessions that will be required:

  • Bryan Caskey: Should concede that gun control is a pretty neat idea, and immediately agree to a total ban on bump stocks. He must further undertake not to mock said bump stock ban as an empty gesture that will accomplish nothing.
  • Norm Ivey: Will contribute two cases of his homemade beer to the party that will follow our signing ceremony.
  • Doug Ross: Must vote for an amendment acknowledging that luck plays a huge role in amassing wealth in America. The amendment will be in Spanish, so that illegal aliens can understand it.
  • bud: Will recognize, once and for all, that Donald Trump is the worst president ever — and not George W. Bush.
  • Dave Crockett: Sorry, Dave, but we all think it would be really cool if you would start signing your comments “Davy.” By “we,” I mean those of us who were little kids in the 1950s, and therefore remember a time before Fess Parker was Daniel Boone (which contributed greatly to millions of Americans confusing those two historical figures).
  • Barry will start using his full name, because it really, really bugs Doug that he doesn’t.
  • Kathryn Fenner will forgive us all and come back to the blog.
  • “Scout” will continue to largely agree with me (only putting it in better words), because we all know this world needs a heap more of that.
  • Juan Caruso will hire a lawyer to draft all his comments going forward.

As for yours truly, don’t you think I’ve given enough? Very well, I’m willing to listen to y’all’s suggestions as to what I should concede, if y’all can get over your shyness long enough to tell me where I fall short of perfection…

31 thoughts on “Without compromise, this blog will shut down at midnight

  1. Bryan Caskey

    Ha. If you recall, I said I would be fine with a ban on bump stocks at the state level, and I’ll keep my thoughts on it being an empty gesture to myself. Gun control is a super nifty thing. I always maintain a proper shooting stance and solid grip on my firearms when shooting and/or carrying them. That’s what you’re talking about, right? :)

    So you can go ahead and mark me down as 2 for 2 on that score.

    Brad’s Concession: Acknowledge college football is a great thing and commit to attend one Gamecock football game for the 2018 year.

    Reply
    1. bud

      Better yet Brad could acknowledge college football is the ultimate communitarian spectacle that brings people together in a spirit of pride, comradere and common purpose.

      Reply
    2. Brad Warthen Post author

      Do I get credit for having attending games in the past?

      I attended TWO of them in the fall of 1971 — walking all the way from my dorm in the Honeycombs. I went to the first one because my uncle in Florence had asked if I was going, and we made arrangements to meet up at the game. When I did, he gave me a ham my aunt had baked for me. My roommate and I lived off that ham for the next week.

      The following week, I walked to Williams-Brice for another game, but no one gave me a ham. So I didn’t go to another game for 30 years or so…

      Reply
  2. Davy Crockett

    Done. Even if it means my rare comments will be subject to occasional holds for review since I don’t look like Fess Parker ever did. And, despite my dreams of becoming a noted broadcaster, I never had the basso profundo voice of Ed Ames in Daniel Boone. *sigh*

    Reply
      1. Brad Warthen Post author

        King of the wild frontier!

        That song was awesome. By contrast, the Daniel Boone theme lyrics left a lot to be desired:

        Daniel Boone was a man. Yes a big man.
        And he fought for America to make all Americans free….
        What a Boone. What a doer, what a dream come-a-truer was he!

        I always heard it as “What dream-comer-truer.” Whatever. Sheesh…

        Reply
    1. Doug Ross

      Oh, and “Barry” can use any name he chooses. It’s more amusing than bothersome that someone would hold such strong opinions about MY opinions but not be willing to back them up.

      Reply
      1. Barry

        Posting my last name has as much in common with “backing them up” as The Fonz did with Greek Orthodox Christianity.

        Reply
  3. bud

    In the interest of keeping the blog going I will acknowledge that Trump has been so awful in his first year he has a real shot at being worse than W. He’ll score some valuable negative points if the government shuts down.

    Reply
  4. Jean Louise Finch

    Hey, I can do that, but my words aren’t better. I thought you were gonna say I should tell my real name.

    Reply

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